Have no fear! Rocky’s here! Back in the fighting ring! (Ok, maybe not that strong, but gaining strength! Lol)
(Picture of Aunt Sonia,don't mess with her! Read below)Lol!
You know it was bad when I couldn’t even update my blog! That means I had a hard time "talking!" The last time I had so few words to speak, I was drugged up for surgery! Lol!
So here goes a ramble and catch up entry:
On Thursday, Alexa, Morgan and Elena came to stay with us. (These were supposed to be my better days.) I was still very sick but determined to see my girls. I got up early, shined the place (Did I mention, it matters to them?! Lol!) and took a quick nap.
Nap…a common denominator in my day!
I heard a knock, jumped for joy I know I need them here! They will never know the strength and courage they give me each day.
How big they looked, all dressed up, packaged with a bow! It seemed like months had gone by but it was only a few days. I have to admit I was worried they may not accept me now. My hair cut short, puffy cheeks (fluids) and gauze bandages covering my chest. The lack of energy, bluntly across my face! I even found it difficult to look at me, a smile so hard to fake!
As I watched them enter the apartment, I could sense each of their fears. There was no excitement, no jumping for mommy. Not exactly what I imagined. I reached for them, they kindly declined my hug, continuing to stare at me. I knew I had to stay strong. It was my niece (Bella) who saved the day, like an angel from the skies, jumping in my arms! My heart felt loved and I felt complete, children are so amazing.
After a short time, the kids were in my business. Morgan touching my hair, "Where go?" Alexa wanting to see my boo boos. Elena not finding it fair, I have two band aides and she only gets one. Back to Paharik Land we know, all in a one bedroom apartment!
Later in the day,we took a drive to the hospital to get a scheduled shot. Neulasta, this helps the body produce more white blood cell counts. It also makes your bones pretty achy. Just rolling with the punches, prayn' for a cancer knockout! I had my first breakdown! There I was, three caring nurses, seeing my body full of pain. Kids with daddy, just a distant away. The curtain pulled over, I started to cry. First a slight tear, trying to understand this. Feeling the emotions, feeling the hurt, feeling like a failure as to who I am. All poured out, a box of tissue later. Each of the nurses, talking me through it, helping me understand. Reminding me of my reason to fight and how I did so well. All I needed to hear!
Well I never thought I’d have a day, wishing the kids so far, far away. The sounds of them playing hurt me so bad, sending my head between pillows. I felt like a failure, but I had to tuck in, hoping for a better tomorrow.
My Friday morning started with the grueling mouth pain, swollen tongue and gums and throbbing headache. Realizing another day feeling just the same! Another day the sounds of my sweet little girls could no longer be heard. What a bonus for them!
Mike took them to the local mall to pick out a winter coat. The girls so excited, my how they understand shopping too well! Off they went and I cleaned the apartment, wanting to not give up. I called the doctor, explained my pain and she offered me more medicine. This time Vicadin. I can’t bare the thought of more drugs so I opted to try Tylenol. It seemed to work and gave me some relief. I soon fell asleep.
Another knock-knock…
Just Sonia this time! All alone, kids in the car, (She and the family met Mike at the mall for the day!) Hmm…I wonder what she’s here for!?
It went something like this: Lol!
"Get your booty up, eat some food and drink your water! Take some medicine for pain, you only just begun! The worst has yet to come! This is your time to think of you. The girls will be fine, just let us know what you want us to do! "
"Get your booty up, eat some food and drink your water! Take some medicine for pain, you only just begun! The worst has yet to come! This is your time to think of you. The girls will be fine, just let us know what you want us to do! "
I think she wanted to say, "You know your mom made you a fighter!" Lol!
Oh ya, she gave me a little pat on the hair, I think she likes my cut too! Lol! I know those Martinez’s conspired this, even sending the right one in! She doesn’t mess around! This is a girl who can’t measure pain on the "1-10" scale like the rest of us!
I got my butt up, drank more water and ate some fattening foods! The docs think I started having neuropath problems and needed to reduce my medicine. (Yippie for me!) I also lost 13 pounds in a day (Bye –bye whale!), I think I got dehydrated. Now there’s a nice sewer bill to pay! Lol!
So there I was kids all settled resting in my bed again. Little did I know, I would be up all night bearing more stomach pain! Once again, calling the doctor (They'll be glad when I go back to TN!,haha), just to be told to take even more medicine! This time the "last resort" for naseau. Being an MD (Martinez Diva)myself, haha, I toughed it out another 3 hours, nasuea didn't seem the problem. By 3:00 AM, I took the medicine, just to find out it was the onset of hours of diarrhia! Just what you wanted to know! (Good thing I took that naseau medicine! But I now understand why they gave me a 5 page booklet, front and back on this subject!) Grateful I never went to the emergency room! Lol! What horrible pain and a lot of throwing up but under control by 6!
Needless to say, I think I’m getting to know all the symptoms and trying my remedies in hopes Chemo Girl wins the second week! The kids will go back to Sonia's Sunday for another week. My blood cell count plummets (Can get very sick from germs) along with my energy, I hear this is the worst week. It's hard to imagine but I know I'll get through it, hoping to be traveling to TN next weekend. As much as I objected, we need a nanny now. The girls in their routines, daddy at the office, me in Michigan. If you know of any (will need to drive the kids to school, clean and cook), please drop me a line. If all goes well, I'll be home a week and then fly back to Michigan for round number 2!
