Monday! Monday!
My first encounter with the “beam!” Feeling pretty good overall. My leg has been healing nicely. I have a scar approximately 11” long that starts on my hip and extends just shy of my mid thigh. The area where the tumor was removed is sunken in and quite honestly… from a side view, it looks like a Sports Illustrated Model‘s hip and butt! As my girls say “oooo la, la!” Lol! BUT from a front view it looks like a liposuction gone bad! Haha!! I guess I will learn to walk sideways and offer the side view when possible! My hair is growing in like a field of wild weeds! In fact, hair is growing everywhere! I now have to shave the legs and get eyebrow shapings! Not having full eyebrows for months, one would think I’d keep every hair possible, but no…. Weight, well that’s my next goal to start working out and eating better. Just a goal for now! It will be difficult with gourmet chefs like Sonia and Dottie around! Maybe it’s best to leave this goal until after radiation. :>) I still have hot flashes and often experience Chemo Brain but it feels nice to feel well!
So here’s how my day went:
Since my first appointment wasn’t scheduled until 3:00, I decided to do more research on cancer. So I spent 4 hours in the Cancer Center Library! Now feeling more informed and again taking an active role in my health care, I walked to the Radiation Oncology Center!
My first day! My memory served me well, I went to the computer, checked myself in, changed into a gown and waited in the Patient Waiting Room, just as I was instructed three weeks prior.
I waited. And waited. And waited. It was now 4:00! I was ready, like beam me up Scottie but they weren’t. Finally, at 4:10, they came to get me! I hopped on the table, slid into the molding that was made weeks prior and guess what?…It was too big! No, I didn’t lose weight but the swelling went down in my leg and now nothing lined up! So, there I lay for 2 ½ more hours while they positioned me, took pictures, (some I couldn’t help myself and posed,haha) and repositioned me and more pictures, until at last, 6:30….they started the treatment that lasted for 20 minutes! I felt nothing! I layed still in my mold as this machine moved around me, aiming the beams at my thigh, hip and groin…to include the ovaries. I just ask, how can something not hurt be effective? Hmmm!
And so you have it, my first day of radiation!
Knowing Grandma and Grandpa Paharik are in Tennessee again for two weeks caring for the girls, I will sleep well tonight!
Love and miss all!
Monday, February 18, 2008
In A Nutshell!
January 22-Feb. 17th
Have you noticed a pattern here! When I am home, I write less. Lol! I know, I’m slacking but it’s a combination of reasons. Sometimes when I am home, I like to live with a cancer denial lifestyle! I never forget though, all it takes is a mirror! Haha! I’m usually recovering though, in this case from surgery, and when I feel better, I get my mommy groove on!
This time, no different! Carl and Dottie (Mike’s dad and step-mom) stayed with us for two weeks after surgery. We are so grateful, “thank you” is never enough to express our appreciation. Especially since they gave up the warm sunny weather, golf, friends and much more in exchange for cold, rainy weather, three wild toddlers and a crippled patient! It’s so nice to have company, chat and watch the girls interact with Grandma and Grandpa too. Elena loves teasing her Grandpa who loves being teased! Watching the bond build between all of them brings tears to my eyes! I love hearing the girls say “grandma” and”grandpa!” It’s so sweet!
Grandma busy washing, ironing, cooking and caring for all of us. Grandpa busy driving everyone around, offering Grandma help and doing all of Eva’s unfinished handy-man business! Together as a team, they care for the girls. Dressing them each day, caring for them, sharing their patience and love. And A LOT of love and patience!
So you might ask, where have I been….well I’ve been busy living! Carl and Dottie treated us to Folks Folly one night! Knowing I was going to dinner with the Wine Expert of all times A.K. A. Dottie, I immediately came off pain killers so I could have a glass of wine this night!! It was so nice to be out, enjoying the company! You have to know Carl, he will have you laughing for hours! Sometimes, it’s at his expense and others, well…he’s just so silly! This particular night, Carl learned how to dish himself mints from a candy bowl! I will admit, the candy bowl was different but Carl, well he stood there holding a spoon and the candy bowl lid but no candy! Lol! The Staff, Mike, Dottie and myself laughing hysterically as he wondered how he just broke the bowl and still had no mints!
Saturday, Feb. 9th, another fabulous day lived! The girls and I got up early, took our baths and started curling the hair! It was a big day for all of us! Elena had her first school dance recital! She has been taking dance all school year, yet she never showed us what she was learning. Nor did she talk about it or even act like she liked it! I was pretty emotional all morning. I was so excited to be there for this special day! Her mommy would be part of the audience this time! I pulled her hair up in a pony and put soft curls on the strands, applied a little blush and lipstick and dressed her in her costume, a bright hot pink leotard with tulle and white polka dots! We spent the whole morning getting everyone ready for Elena’s special day!
As the parents gathered in the auditorium and the girls anxiously waited for their dance instructor, I couldn’t help but stare at all three of my beautiful daughters and my husband. I felt so complete as a family, so whole, not a piece of pie missing! I watched all the other girls families come in, grandmas and grandpas, moms and dads. Everyone so proud of their little girl, families making time to support their ballerina. I thought about friends, friends who are mothers themselves and their complaints about driving their children around for extra activities and having to attend the “final show.” How they often called themselves “taxi drivers” and I wondered, would I have fallen in that mode without cancer. Would I have been a “taxi driver” or a mother simply satisfied to be living to have that responsibility and opportunity. Today, I was a proud mother and was grateful for the opportunity to drive my daughter to her recital. Cancer gave me new glasses, glasses with color!
In the evening, we joined friends, Susan and Randy for pizza! It was a perfect night! Elena got to play with her good friend from school, Charlotte. Alexa and Morgan got to hang out with Charlotte, who they often rename themselves as and Bill got to chill with four beautiful girls! And Mike and I lived a night that reminded of us of our past and future without cancer! This night offered us hope and even though it was a night, it was a night that offered our family normalcy. Who could ask for more!
And then Sunday, Feb. 15th…I got pneumonia and a double ear infection! I was so sick, I could barely get out of bed. My bones ached, my head hurt, and I could not eat. This must have been worse than chemo, with chemo I could not stop eating! Hence the weight gain! Haha I thought, this was not the time to get sick! I had to pack, plan Alexa and Morgan’s birthday party, and get things back in order before I left for seven weeks! But…I went down! Each morning, I rolled out of bed, strolled the house, strolled the schools, strolled the roads…I kept going. It took over a week to simply feel some relief but I found it, in time to celebrate Alexa and Morgan‘s birthday.
At last! February 16th! Alexa and Morgan turn three! Yahoooo!! Although, not my typical birthday celebration, it was a celebration for starters! Mike and I spent the day with the girls at a new celebration station, they jumped, played and ate! What a great time they had! Then we went to the bookstore and had cake and sandwiches at Zaks Yummy! Not the birthday celebration I would normally plan but the most important part of the celebration was we where all together! We laughed, played and had a perfect family day! We will have a birthday party with their friends too but this will happen at a later date!
Now I prepare for my seven weeks away! Grandma and Grandpa Paharik will return for two weeks to care for the girls, Aunt Gloria will be here for two more weeks, then Grandma and Grandpa Paharik will help another two weeks and finally, Aunt Patty will be in town my last week of radiation!
Mike and I could never have made my treatments and surgery possible at one of the top Sarcoma Centers in the U.S. without all of you in our lives offering help, love and support! Being at a Sarcoma Center has increased my odds of living a long healthy life!! To date, everything is a success and I thank each of you for helping our family achieve this!! These seven weeks will be hard apart from my husband and children but I will sleep at night and allow myself time to heal knowing the girls are being cared for by people the girls trust and love!
Have you noticed a pattern here! When I am home, I write less. Lol! I know, I’m slacking but it’s a combination of reasons. Sometimes when I am home, I like to live with a cancer denial lifestyle! I never forget though, all it takes is a mirror! Haha! I’m usually recovering though, in this case from surgery, and when I feel better, I get my mommy groove on!
This time, no different! Carl and Dottie (Mike’s dad and step-mom) stayed with us for two weeks after surgery. We are so grateful, “thank you” is never enough to express our appreciation. Especially since they gave up the warm sunny weather, golf, friends and much more in exchange for cold, rainy weather, three wild toddlers and a crippled patient! It’s so nice to have company, chat and watch the girls interact with Grandma and Grandpa too. Elena loves teasing her Grandpa who loves being teased! Watching the bond build between all of them brings tears to my eyes! I love hearing the girls say “grandma” and”grandpa!” It’s so sweet!
Grandma busy washing, ironing, cooking and caring for all of us. Grandpa busy driving everyone around, offering Grandma help and doing all of Eva’s unfinished handy-man business! Together as a team, they care for the girls. Dressing them each day, caring for them, sharing their patience and love. And A LOT of love and patience!
So you might ask, where have I been….well I’ve been busy living! Carl and Dottie treated us to Folks Folly one night! Knowing I was going to dinner with the Wine Expert of all times A.K. A. Dottie, I immediately came off pain killers so I could have a glass of wine this night!! It was so nice to be out, enjoying the company! You have to know Carl, he will have you laughing for hours! Sometimes, it’s at his expense and others, well…he’s just so silly! This particular night, Carl learned how to dish himself mints from a candy bowl! I will admit, the candy bowl was different but Carl, well he stood there holding a spoon and the candy bowl lid but no candy! Lol! The Staff, Mike, Dottie and myself laughing hysterically as he wondered how he just broke the bowl and still had no mints!
Saturday, Feb. 9th, another fabulous day lived! The girls and I got up early, took our baths and started curling the hair! It was a big day for all of us! Elena had her first school dance recital! She has been taking dance all school year, yet she never showed us what she was learning. Nor did she talk about it or even act like she liked it! I was pretty emotional all morning. I was so excited to be there for this special day! Her mommy would be part of the audience this time! I pulled her hair up in a pony and put soft curls on the strands, applied a little blush and lipstick and dressed her in her costume, a bright hot pink leotard with tulle and white polka dots! We spent the whole morning getting everyone ready for Elena’s special day!
As the parents gathered in the auditorium and the girls anxiously waited for their dance instructor, I couldn’t help but stare at all three of my beautiful daughters and my husband. I felt so complete as a family, so whole, not a piece of pie missing! I watched all the other girls families come in, grandmas and grandpas, moms and dads. Everyone so proud of their little girl, families making time to support their ballerina. I thought about friends, friends who are mothers themselves and their complaints about driving their children around for extra activities and having to attend the “final show.” How they often called themselves “taxi drivers” and I wondered, would I have fallen in that mode without cancer. Would I have been a “taxi driver” or a mother simply satisfied to be living to have that responsibility and opportunity. Today, I was a proud mother and was grateful for the opportunity to drive my daughter to her recital. Cancer gave me new glasses, glasses with color!
In the evening, we joined friends, Susan and Randy for pizza! It was a perfect night! Elena got to play with her good friend from school, Charlotte. Alexa and Morgan got to hang out with Charlotte, who they often rename themselves as and Bill got to chill with four beautiful girls! And Mike and I lived a night that reminded of us of our past and future without cancer! This night offered us hope and even though it was a night, it was a night that offered our family normalcy. Who could ask for more!
And then Sunday, Feb. 15th…I got pneumonia and a double ear infection! I was so sick, I could barely get out of bed. My bones ached, my head hurt, and I could not eat. This must have been worse than chemo, with chemo I could not stop eating! Hence the weight gain! Haha I thought, this was not the time to get sick! I had to pack, plan Alexa and Morgan’s birthday party, and get things back in order before I left for seven weeks! But…I went down! Each morning, I rolled out of bed, strolled the house, strolled the schools, strolled the roads…I kept going. It took over a week to simply feel some relief but I found it, in time to celebrate Alexa and Morgan‘s birthday.
At last! February 16th! Alexa and Morgan turn three! Yahoooo!! Although, not my typical birthday celebration, it was a celebration for starters! Mike and I spent the day with the girls at a new celebration station, they jumped, played and ate! What a great time they had! Then we went to the bookstore and had cake and sandwiches at Zaks Yummy! Not the birthday celebration I would normally plan but the most important part of the celebration was we where all together! We laughed, played and had a perfect family day! We will have a birthday party with their friends too but this will happen at a later date!
Now I prepare for my seven weeks away! Grandma and Grandpa Paharik will return for two weeks to care for the girls, Aunt Gloria will be here for two more weeks, then Grandma and Grandpa Paharik will help another two weeks and finally, Aunt Patty will be in town my last week of radiation!
Mike and I could never have made my treatments and surgery possible at one of the top Sarcoma Centers in the U.S. without all of you in our lives offering help, love and support! Being at a Sarcoma Center has increased my odds of living a long healthy life!! To date, everything is a success and I thank each of you for helping our family achieve this!! These seven weeks will be hard apart from my husband and children but I will sleep at night and allow myself time to heal knowing the girls are being cared for by people the girls trust and love!
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