The First Right Turn...

This is how the story goes! A few months ago, I was lying in bed showing off my "muscular" legs to Mike (my husband). At some point, he said..."that AIN'T no muscle, that's cooties (I'm sure the adjective was diff)...you better get that checked"

No worries, I went to Chicago for my girls trip, had a blast...got the kids in school, got myself in school and decided to get it checked out. A bit over two months has gone by... the family doctor said it was a tumor (all funny things like this are called tumors) and testing was done.

All along, I have taken this VERY well, I thought…this is not a big deal to me-just life circumstances and I adjusted to them. I read on the net about people who found lumps in their thighs...most where fatty tissue tumors which were removed and they moved on. I recall one site saying the odds of a malignant tumor in the leg was RARE. More promising news. I was not scared, nor concerned. I have had some illnesses but nothing that I haven't had over the last year...tingling leg, SLIGHT numbness when I wake up or bend over (figured it was just all the extra weight), throwing up for no reason (on occasion…thought it was from the pain in my back), recently with a LITTLE blood (the doc said it was probably a stomach ulcer from stress). Feeling more tired than usual.(I've slept in til 8 most days and now had to get up at 5:30 AM and drive A LOT to get the kids to school and myself.) Thus, all my symptoms had a reason and may still be those reasons.

Well, I get the call from my family doctor asking I see the surgeon at 3. (it was 2 when I talked to them)...so I was a bit nervous but more to the idea of surgery, I guess it was coming to realization. I sat with the surgeon who reviewed my MRI and Ultrasound. He felt around it and asked some questions...then asked me to hang out a bit.

Next thing you know, there are two more surgeons checking it out and they asked me to go to the consultation room. They sat with me to discuss the possibility of cancer. In fact, they said 90% chance of it. Keep in mind, Lex and Morg where with me, just giggling and eating pretzels in their chairs. I held back every tear and fear and tried to listen to the rest as best I could. I have a great ability to just get so mad, I shut off my feelings. As each word came out, I kept repeating it to myself, like an echo but following up with...what happened to simply setting a surgery date.
I left that appointment with thoughts racing through my head. I couldn’t believe that my hope was turning to the idea/possibility that I would never see my girls grow up. The idea that my husband would be left alone in a “girls” world and he himself would be lost. These thoughts got deeper and deeper. I frantically started calling my sisters, just hoping someone would answer the phone and I could just cry. I suppose the idea of someone listening to my fears would make me feel better. As I drove my kids home, tired, fussy and hungry…I cried softly. I even took time to move my “children’s mirror” to a position they couldn’t see me cry. At some point, my daughter asked me to help her sing, “If You’re Happy and You Know It.” My first thought was, not now, for I wasn’t happy and I knew it. It was then; I realized how strong I need to be. My life was not just MY LIFE. These are three innocent toddlers who only fear the idea of a monster. Thus, I wiped my tears, lowered the music, adjusted my mirror and we all started singing. Obviously it wasn’t my spirited singing as we had done most days, but once again, my girls needed me. God has a plan, no matter what that plan, my faith and strong desire to succeed would overcome any Detour in Tennessee!
Personally, I will never forget this day, for this day is the beginning of a detour that will hold many new outlooks on life. My family, nor I will never be the same.