Yesterday, my girls began talking openly about our “trip.” I began to wonder, how much they understand. How much they know?
As I ran on my treadmill, my leg began to shake. Trembles, noticed by the looking eye. I got a bit scared and called the doctor, only to find out, I may see more. My tumor has invaded, yet another home, it has no boundaries, and it has no fears. But I can’t control these flowing tears.
Elena came to me and asked what happened. I tried to explain to her, mommy has a booboo. I continued to discuss her stay with Aunt Sonia, her time with her cousins. Her time away from mommy and daddy. Alexa and Morgan, staring with confusion.
“Mommy, I will kiss your booboo,” as she kisses my leg. My biopsy scars noting its whereabouts. “I love you mommy.”
“Me too” says Alexa and then Morgan. Each eager to kiss mommy’s booboo called cancer.
I smiled and said, “Mommy thanks you, I feel all better!”
Elena then says, “Now mommy, you are all better! You can stay with us at Aunt Sonia’s” (Notice it wasn’t, we can stay home! Lol!)
Alexa and Morgan, following up with “and you, daddy, Lana, Morgan, Zayne, Sonia, Emad, Eka (what we call Maria), “Gwanpa” and Bella.” Not missing anyone they know they will see.
I “call” 911, "a flood at the Paxxxxxs."
Tears continuously streaming, each one a sign, a sign of my sadness, missing my girls already. How I truly wish, their tender kisses could make it all better.
I continued to watch my girls as Elena took charge. I know they will have a great time and not want to come home. I just wish I was there too.
I see the sadness, the “out of touch” in Mike. I want to hold him, let him cry, but I know too, we need to stay “high.” He’s like a rock, solid and there, just praying and praying. I can’t imagine what he feels, his wife facing this scary monster, his children not sure, and his family’s longevity now with a question mark. It is Mike that is burdened with the finances and working two jobs, one at day, one at night. This morning he woke up, made his coffee and folded a load of laundry. I patted my back, I trained him well! Lol! It is Mike picking up any leftover mommy duties at the schools. (Lord knows, he has many. I sign up to help with everything!) I know he hurts, I know he suffers. I know he wants to fix this, every man’s dream. For once in our relationship, I want that “fix!” lol! Instead, we lay there, in our bed, waiting for the other. We discuss our day, our girls and what to expect. Reaching for the other’s hand.
Sarcoma is a rare disease. Due to the rarity, the government doesn’t fund a lot for research. Not enough patients, not enough money, Sarcoma carries the slogan, “The Forgotten Cancer.” I often find people sharing a survival story of someone with Breast Cancer, Prostate Cancer or another. The cancers I wish I had. If I had to pick one. For these are being funded and there are a lot of cases. Through trial and error or research and testing, there is a more promising plan. There are a lot of answers. Sarcomas tend to not respond to treatments well and there are only a few. This is my fear, this is my fight! I know I need God! I walk in stores recognizing the “pink.” I walk in the walk each year, praying I can help. Never did I know, touch my arms, my legs and thigh. Look at my tongue, look in my eyes. Feel for lumps. Sarcoma has no boundaries. Sarcoma has no fears.
Per the American Cancer Society, only 9,220 cases of Sarcoma will be diagnosed in the U.S. just this year. Less than 1% of all cancers. I am one of the 4,710 woman and the rest men. During this year, 3,560 or 39% of Americans will probably die from soft tissue Sarcoma. A lot of these people being innocent children. A Stage III person like me has a 56% 5-year survival. My odds may be better since it’s in my leg. But remember Sarcoma has no boundaries, it has no fears.
Thank you all for your prayers. Thank you for the lifting emails and comments. Thank you for the meals and the help with our girls. Thank you for all the support each of you has offered! We will be home soon to accept your help. We will call!
Together, we can make a difference.
Until the weekend, from Detroit...SMILE!
