March 2008: Going to dinner with hair!! Yahooo!
October 2007..smilin'
Christmas 2007.still smilin'
November 2007...yet another smile!
Thursday, May 1st....
Cancer won't take that smile from me!!
... Well, as long as you guys keep praying for me and God stays by my side!
As most of you know, in all the fun...there's been a lot of sickness.
I often try to carry on as if things are going well but I have a lot of ugly symptoms. My head hurts, often feeling like pressure surrounds every pumping vein in it! My bones ache and at times have excruciating pain. I frequently vomit but with no pattern. I’m real tired, often turning in after the girls go to sleep or at least in bed. My brain isn’t functioning like it used to or even close. Confused, forgetful.
So, I head back to the doctors office in Memphis. More blood work. Like 8 valves of blood! Another chest scan. More ultrasounds. More speculation.
Then BAM! It’s like September 2007 all over again!
“There’s a good chance the cancer has spread but we can’t know for sure until we run more tests.”
This time, no stinky feet! haha! No kids! Just a view of the golf course and Eva...
Off I went with doctors orders for more tests. A bone scan. An echo. A CT scan. A PET CT scan. Physical Therapy. And the rest of the day to act normal, have no worries. Pick up my kids from school. Make dinner. Climb in bed alone, Mike at a business dinner, thinking about the “unknown” again. Thinking about the “extra” time I’ve already been given. Thinking about the fight I thought we were winning, God and I on one team and cancer the other. Thinking about all of you, may God bless you for blessing me with your prayers, your words, your generosity, your meals, your time with my kids.
I know Mike’s going to be bummed! He’s really been relieved he didn’t have to give me that leg after all! Lol! And the kids! I remember when I returned home, Alexa, Elena and Morgan had a hard time sleeping. Often waking in the night. I would tuck them back in their beds or at times, let them climb in our bed. Fast asleep, I covered them with kisses. One morning I asked Alexa, “Why did you come in mommy’s room last night?” Alexa said, “I want to see if you still there mommy.” She broke my heart. My girls unsure if I would be there when they woke.
It’s been challenging to say the least. Taking care of a family while feeling so sick. I often lose my patience, feeling short of breath, frustrated with my abilities. Often mad at myself for forgetting things or letting the girls down when I’m exhausted and have to rest. But in all this, I keep going, working out, Saturday nights spent with friends (East TN, blame Alisa & James for the lack of blogs!lol!), I know I am beating cancer and cancer can’t kick my butt nor take my smile. I truly feel this. I feel everything will get better, I will be given another chance.
So I lay here tonight, alone, praying to God…asking he help me live a cancer free life. To help me live a healthier life. To help me with my girls and give me the strength and energy to fight to live a “normal” life with rosy sunglasses, without sickness. (Something I didn't ask the first time, guess I'm getting greedy!haha) Most of all, I ask God to guide me to live a life with greater faith that allows me to let go of any fears.
I ask you, to continue to pray for me and my family. To live today like there’s no tomorrow. To truly understand, life is a gift, cancer or no cancer!
I've increased my workouts to two hours of serious fitness while I wait for the results. Let's support each other, you do the same! If you workout, duoble the time one day, if you don't, do it one day. A walk, run, weights...whatever! Think of me, recovering from leg surgery, dealing with chemo side effects and the unknown again in my life. If I can do it, you can too! The start of our "Race for Sarcoma!" Every person who writes a comment to this blog that they did some fitness as a result of the blog, Mike (he doesn't know yet, lol!) and I will donate $2.00 to Univ Of Michigan's Sarcoma research! (You have to start somewhere!) You don't need a log in to comment, "anonymous" works without but write your first name at the end of your comment!!
My tests are scheduled on May 6th and 7th. I hope to have the results the following week! I will live the next week without fear, trusting in my faith.
