Life is Good!

On January 9th, one day after my surgery, Alexa, Morgan and Elena walked in my recovery room with three balloons. Aunt Teresa took them to the store, giving them an opportunity to express themselves by each picking out a balloon for mommy. One picked out Blues Clues, another a Smiley face, and Elena picked out a “Happy Birthday” balloon. I thought, “Happy Birthday?”

I recall admiring that “Happy Birthday” balloon when the doctor called a few days later to say my tumor was 99% necrosis (dead) and they got clear margins all the way around the tumor (cancer free). The surgery was a success! Such great news!

Still in pain from surgery, unsure of the “unknown” of radiation ahead of me, but the great news at the forefront, I thought a birthday balloon fit the occasion.

Now today, April 1st, 21 days before what would have beem my father’s 67th birthday and 20 days after his death, I continue to think about that birthday balloon!

Only this time, a true celebration, a cake and more balloons will follow, it is another “Happy Birthday” for me as I was granted doctors clearance to return home and continue living, living without cancer!!

Only one can imagine my feelings today! I sit at the airport, feeling the pain from radiation, the numbness surgery has left, my body aching from the side effects of chemo, but happy to be alive, to be able to “feel!” Each glance in the mirror, I observe my growing hair, eyebrows and eyelashes. Reading the bill on my cap, “Life is Good” a pink heart embroidered on the front, a smiley face on the back. Thank you for the hat Dottie, life is good!

Fear lingering above the "good." My cancer no longer watched daily. No real treatment taking place. How will they know? But believing, what’s to know?

Sadness arising. It always does when we have to say “goodbye.” Goodbye to cancer friends. Goodbye to those who administered my treatment. I like to call friends. We talked every day! Or should I say, they listened each day! Haha! They knew of my troubles, my broken heart with the passing of my father, of my blessed family having Grandma, Grandpa and Loa caring for them. They knew of Sonia and Emad and the happiness and comfort their children brought me, away from my own. I’ll miss the “coffee” time Sonia and I spent. Planning our day, mostly efforts to help our father. Often forgetting, I have cancer and started my day with the beam. I’ll miss our nights, talking about our day, what we have accomplished to help our father regain his health. I’ll miss the laughs Sonia, Emad and I shared, mostly at Emad’s expense! Thank God for his sense of humor! Haha!

Simply, I’ll miss a lot from the experience of having cancer but I leave today with many lessons, many memories and much knowledge…

I board my plane a new woman! Excited to see my husband and children! Ecstatic to know this is the end of our medical separation. Happy to have this second chance at life. Thrilled to enjoy the ride of life but my scars and memories always there to remind me, life is precious, life can be short…it can’t be taken for granted.

Cancer or not, “Life is Good!”

Tomorrow, I will share my first three month check up! It took place Monday…. I will also write about my arrival!

Tonight, I kissed my girls goodnight, they said…”See you in the morning!” Indeed I will….

Glad to be home!