Monday, September 8th, 2007Once again, those familiar revolving doors, those all too familiar words hung above, "Cancer Center."
There we were, my backpack full of books for school, yes I’m still taking my exams, Lol!,and my Vera Bradley bag filled with "other." Already thinking about the memories my bag gave me, a wedding gift, a "carry all" for our honeymoon in Hawaii. The time in our life when everything was peaceful, a future full of dreams.
We stopped for directions to Radiology and where kindly escorted. Already feeling relaxed, I made a great choice, University of Michigan Hospital was the place for healing!
We signed in for my port surgery but there was no need to call our name. Chatter Box Eva, still at the counter! (Actually it was Mike explaining his work, how we ended up in Tennessee. This is the only time he speaks, when I say "he sells poles!" Lol! Loving his career, explaining with passion.) The amazing team work, everyone having a part, the smiles and jokes, easing the prep. About thirty minutes later, I was rolled to surgery. My heart beating faster, my mind full of thoughts, my body so cold. A tear flowing, warming my cheek. I knew this was real, there was no turning back. I said a fast prayer, "God give me the strength, give me the courage, give me my health."
I look around the room, like a freezer box but some settling music and lots of faces. All with smiles, all with care, all assuring my time will be pain free and my port will be loved, a lot less sticks for me the next twelve weeks. Not even a metal table like I had when I delivered the twins, rather a cushioned one, changing my feeling of what’s to come. I was excited to know I fit on this table and even had room to grow! "The rest of the table?" I asked. When I delivered the twins! Lol! My how time has changed.
I dressed for the party, the net cap for my hair, the mask and oxygen. I even asked, where are the drinks! Lol! They all agreed, it’s not a party without a drink! Ouch, a shot! Then another followed. Four more without pain. Numbing the area. A slight sedation injected in my arm, they knew what they were doing, my sentence cut short! I fell asleep! (They told me later!) If only Mike can access these drugs, life would be great, football, baseball even golf. Not a word, not a comment, just the game! Lol! Good thing he left to earn his pay!
My surgery complete. I now have two bandages and an expensive port. One big bandage on my right side of my chest, the other just below my neck. I have a double port (one for me, one for Mike...wouldn't that be nice, for God made us "one" at I do!! Lol!) because the combination of drugs must enter my body together, like the space shuttle, needing a lift...ready to blast! Once again, showing my "blue card," charge it please! I have a lot of soreness and a lot of bruising yet more scars. But I know I will live to see them, even admire them for I will be living!
At last, chemotherapy! More vitals checked, more scale time, this time acknowledging an increase in weight by two pounds. I think I was confused, it wasn’t my last meal, like a prisoner facing punishment. Lol! Rather a weekend, gearing for my big day! "Mac" showed me my room, a bed with warm blankets, a chair for my visitor and a personal toilet... even a TV! She guided me to more food, more snack and drinks.
I could finally eat! My very concern, forget the weight!
By 11:30 am, I lye on my bed, eating my bagel, watching drugs flow. I watched it and watched it. Digesting the thought but I had no emotions.
Just the will to fight! I'm a big dreamer, I'm not alone! My family and friend's text messages and emails, each one a cheer! Not in the sidelines but on the field, along with me!
My mouth tastes of metal and my stomach a bit queasy. Yet no tears even fears. I was determined! I was full of life, reading my books, joking with the staff, sending my text messages. The queasy feeling dissipating, just the taste. I went potty a lot and drank a lot of water (like 12 oz every hour) and ate a snack every 30 minutes. Sometimes a bite, sometimes the cracker but we did it, no feeling of tossing!
Mike arriving after a "day at the office" just after 7:00 pm. He brought me the best organic pasta and bread, offering his pizza, but sparing no waste! I was excited to know I wanted to eat! I was told they can give you a drug to make you eat and help the naseau, no thank you today.
Soon after, I was given my pass. I can go "home!" But not alone…I have a fanny pack attached to my waist, the contents being a pump and a bag of drugs to continue my chemotherapy, I will wear this for the next 48 hours, as the drugs continue to enter my body, fighting my fight as I lay my head to rest for the night.
Ready to roar by morning! Ready to soar!
Please pray we have another great day and we are granted the strength!
I miss you guys, I miss my life, I miss my kids but it is all your kind thoughts, all your kind prayers, all your kind comments that bring me my joy in a world full of drugs!
