The "girls" ready to go to Zoo Boo!
Penny, Eva, Lisa and McKinley heading to Race For the Cure!
It’s Monday!! I’m back in Michigan and rollin with the punches again!
As you can see, I was having so much fun the past few days, I didn’t stop to blog! Shame, shame, huh!! Friday night we took the girls to Zoo Boo! Mike, Eva, Belle and not one, but two Snow Whites!! They had so much fun!! I was really into the “Trick or Treat” part but they had the most fun with the kiddie rides, something we can do any day of the week! Lol! Each step, my girls dug in those bags, looking for candy creating their belly rainbow of junk! …and we thought they ate healthy! lol!
Saturday!! Oh Saturday! If only every Saturday could be like this one! I thought I was on a Roller Coaster all day, a roller coaster of emotions! I started the day with the Race for the Cure Breast Cancer 5K walk!! Yes, I took the challenge. I mean, this is what we do every year…you can’t let cancer take it away!! So there we where, my friends, Penny, Lisa and McKinley (Penny’s daughter)! My last minute recruits! Lucky them! Haha!
As we waited to start the walk, I looked around,feeling the emotions. Reading all the signs people hung from their backs, “In Memory of Mama” “Walking for Grandma” and so forth. It made me think of my fight. Putting it in perspective. Knowing I consider myself a survivor. Each day truly lived, living with cancer! Just hoping I could finish the walk today. Allowing enough energy for the rest of the day. We walked and talked and talked and walked! Amazed with all the neighbor support, houses decorated with pink, and neighbors cheering us on! What a feeling to know, breast cancer is not forgotten. Wishing the money raised was for Sarcoma. Money searching for just one additional treatment. Money raised to save a sarcoma patient’s life too. Why a "forgotten cancer", for we are human too?
Hidden behind my sunglasses where tears of fear. Tears of sadness. Tears of hope. Tears of joy, another day lived. One neighbor even played the “Rocky” theme song, naturally I felt very connected. For I am the bald head Rocky, learning the healing power of my mind and emotions! Lol! Tears streaming down my face, marking a trail of sadness. My leg aching of pain, hoping it doesn’t start shaking, losing control. But we finished the race,laughing along the way! Two of my friends dragging behind! Hahaha!! Lol! Maybe they wanted Chemo Girl to feel like a winner, allowing me to beat them! Lol! Well I thought I did pretty good, not creating a flood for others.
However, we stopped to listen to the band. Big mistake! Lol! As I stood there, they brought in a group called “The Rascals.” The Rascals where three young boys, probably in their early teens. Thoughts going through my mind, like a round of bullets, each making a mark, piercing my heart. I began to think about Alexa, Morgan and Elena. Would I see them as a teenager? Will I know them as a teenager? Will they have a mommy when girls need moms, but they think they don’t need them? Begging God to let me live, let me enjoy the teenage years. The years we fear the most (Especially with three girls!), I want to enjoy today! I got really sad. I started to cry again, obviously not dehydrated! Lol! The Rascals sang a song about saying “goodbye” and how difficult it is to say “goodbye”. Although “goodbye” was about a relationship. Tears now dropping like a heavy rain storm, leaving its damage for others to see. Really thinking about goodbye. Praying it’s so far away. For goodbye is not easy, as they sang. I know I can’t say goodbye! It breaks my heart to think goodbye. Not knowing if I will have the time to piece it together. To make it right.
When I arrived home, the girls and Mike where all dressed, ready to go to Mike’s company picnic at the zoo! And so was I! (Mike even put ponytails in their hair; he’s ready to be a stay at home daddy!) haha, lol! I thought about sending them without me, knowing I’d be pretty tired. But The Rascals gave me that motivation, thinking about goodbye. Not letting cancer take that away. We loaded up and headed for the zoo! The kids where so energized!! The day full of sunshine, warming the air…a perfect day for a picnic! We walked the zoo, ate some food and watched the kids play. It was so nice to talk to people I knew, feeling like a normal day, a normal life. Joking, laughing and smiling! A mirror being the only reflection of cancer. At some point, the kids were captivated with picking berries, Mike and I stood watching. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, like a big bear hug only more tender. How my life felt so complete. For me, a hug is all I need! It’s that moment, watching your kids explore and play, hearing their laughter, feeling the love from your husband that keeps you motivated, keeps you strong, keeps you in the ring. I have that memory with me today, giving me much pleasure as I start my second chemotherapy cycle without them.
We miss our life, our friends, our family. Please continue to pray for us, our detour in tennessee is a long one but you light our path! Love you all!
