Saturday, September 26th
(Picture of Elena and the magician)
There I was, at the end of my driveway, off loading my purchases for Elena’s birthday party. Of course, stressed but in check as I still had 4 hours until the party. With my head buried in the trunk, I hear a parade of honks! Knowing how every minute counts, how many people I know and how much I love to talk, I decide to ignore the honks. Hoping to stay focused and get this party started!
More honks and then a familiar, E~V~A!!
OK, they are now calling my name and I can’t ignore that.
I look up and a blue van packed with people (Mexican style, lol!) and a smaller car approach my curb! My sisters… Sonia, Teresa and Maria. My brother-in-laws, Emad and Blaine. Sonia’s kids, Ahmed, Zayne and Bella! All in Tennessee!! Needless to say, I cried! I was shocked and lost for words. Yes, this is still possible!Lol! Never in a million years did I ever imagine such a thoughtful surprise!! The emotions that went with the idea of what these people went through to join us on this special day can’t be explained in words but it was an awesome feeling!
Needless to say, they had to help me prepare for the party and even clean the house. Lol!
An hour before the party, alone in the shower, just the running water and I. I was so happy, yet so sad. I feared the idea of this being the last birthday I celebrate with Elena. I thought back on the last time I saw my mom. How we watched her wave bye from her garage, waving until we could no longer see her. I said, “Just think Mike that could be the last time we see mom.” Not ever knowing, it was. I thought, could this surprise be a sign of a great celebration that becomes a memory they reflect on? I think their presence made me think of the severity of my cancer. It's not every day you plan a trip to Germany and cancel to attend your niece's birthday party. That's what my sister Teresa did! Ahmed's birthday was on this day, Sept. 29th. He gave up his day for Elena's celebration, can you imagine how this was for a 5 year old. Yet, he celebrated with joy! (Maybe this was because he and Zayne (1 yr old) were in a room with 18 little girls! Lol!) Cancer can be deadly. Yet, no tears.
Well the party was a hit! We stuffed bears, made sleeping treats, saw a magic show and Mr. Barry made Mermaids and Spidermen balloons for hours! These kids had a blast! I watched Elena as she gleamed of happiness when she assisted the magician. Her smile, from ear to ear, her poise and the fact she finally took her thumb out of her mouth! It was pure happiness. These are the memories mother’s take with them. These are the days we never forget. These are the moments I we will reflect on when I lie in bed with sores in my mouth, hairless, nauseas and fatigue, fighting for another breath, another day, another month, another year.
At last, we sang Happy Birthday to my nephew and then Elena. It was at this very moment I began to realize what I was soon to face. My singing turned to sadness. I thought about never seeing all these little children grow up. Never seeing my girls become ladies or even teenagers. I shed a few tears but quickly regrouped. It was one of those “mind over matter” moments. I was pretty proud of myself. I am strong but I do wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a lot of empathy and this tends to make me weak but I am also a fighter.
I read about the best cases and the worst cases of Sarcoma. I read medical journals, where the doctors spare no forwardness. Articles that speak of death from Sarcoma or the fight one endures. But I am able to read these without emotions. I read the statistics and I like to know them, but for me, I’m not a statistic. I am Eva. Thus, it’s just a number. At times, I feel like I should have some feelings towards my diagnosis. I should have more emotions. Or should I? Why? Why don’t I? Why can’t I feel them? Are they still stuck in that lump in my throat? Is cancer winning already? I mostly have concerns and these concerns are for my girls, my husband and the financial part. I suppose I am angry! When I am angry, I fight, and I fight hard!
I will never forget this day. These memories will be so vivid throughout my fight. My daughter’s 4th birthday party will forever be engraved in my memory. From the thoughtfulness of my family to the joy of the kids, I will cherish this happy day and pray for many more.
I thank all my friends and family for making Elena's birthday party a special memory for us.
